I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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