I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
