It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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