THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
