Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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