You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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