tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
