you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
