just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
