It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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