Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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