Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
