I need to stop coming to work sober
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize