i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
