I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
