Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
