You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
