there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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