You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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