I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
