she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you had me at cake vodka
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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