think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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