This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
