he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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