This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize