The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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