Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
