"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
