but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
