Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
