my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
