I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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