Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
