why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
