end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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