Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
