somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
