You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
