wakey wakey hands off snakey
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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