my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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