This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
