i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
