Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize