I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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