I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
