can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
