dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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