and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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