Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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