A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
