WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
