wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize