It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
