guys are only as good as the porn they watch
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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