I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
