Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
