Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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