Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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