Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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