when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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