I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
