So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
