My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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