I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
